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Wednesday, April 30, 2008 Y 4:13 AM

i may be mean to say this.
why do i feel that once u found out that.
u n her went wrong, u come back to me?
u claim i have no right to care bout u n her.?
hello, whos putting me through all this.?
did i want it myself? i rather not.
why only at this point u tell me that ur might not patch up?
so all along ur have the thoughT?
u say u dont treat me like a spare tyre.
are ur actions proving to me than.

u think i would rather step into u n her?
i rather not care. but ur didnt even put a clean stop
to u n her. yet it drag on n on.
u didnt do anything, u avoided it.

i have so many negative thoughts.
i dunno what to do.
someone help me.

to szekuan,
i really have no idea what secrets ur have between
you guys.yes, i admit that i dislike u,same goes for u.
that not the point.
i am sure u wont like it too if this happens to you.
maybe ur thoughts are different.
i dunno why u are telling me all that.
for what reason.
i didnt totally blame u,ah bao has faults too.
if u guys really think that u are compatible,
i wont be in ur way.
i dont want to get hurt anymore.
partly cos of ur problem that stands between us.
that has been going on for months.
i am not being a bitch now.
i am just saying.
sometimes,yes. i thought of not hating u.
cos i cant blame all on u.
but since things are put it already in this way.
i will leave it for u guys to decide.
take kares.

i want to get out of this horrible nightmare.
wake up and everythings back to normal.
please. help me.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 Y 9:03 AM

i am so hurt by u now.fcuking disppointed in you.
yes no doubt i still love u so much.yet every of ur actions
made me beg to differ.
first things first..
if i really meant so much to you, u wouldnt wait for days to
come and find me.and rather meet her. maybe she can
console u so much better.and u still claim u love me so.
i finally saw ur true colours ah ba0.
after so long, i knew what type of person u are.
i want u back so badly, i need u..
yet are u thinking the same thing. NO..
u can enjoy urself with her.go meet her. happy right..
so now u can do the things u cant last time..
even after we broke off, u didnt spare a thought for me.
oh.. u think by reading ur blog i wont feel anything?
ur s0 damn wrong..
what d0 i actually mean to you?
throughout the r/s.

u werent happy about me at all.
u complain n complain.
u attitude me
u always had something to say when u were in the wrong
even h0w many times u lied to me.
u still had excuses.
i tolerated, i kept quiet when u scold me.
i change for u.just you.
so what am i getting back now?
to see how well u are doing without me?

i know now u wil have ur excuses for meeting her these few days.
saying ur sad and u need someone.
how will u feel if u see my blog and realise that i have been
meeting guys these few days?
maybe u wont react to it.. cos i am nothing to you..

so are u going to play finish than come back to me?
i suddenly have the thought that..
u will try ur luck to get her during this period of time..
if u cant, than u will come back..

for all that i have done.
nothing will be appreciated by y0u..
u really didnt spare a thought for my feelings.
u can be happily 0ut there.
not even kn0wing how much i yearn to have u back..
becos u cant even be bothered..

its very tough period that i have to go through.
i know u will get over it fast enough..
at this rate ur going..

you told me.. u need to rest and consider our r/s..
by meeting her everyday.?
or are u trying to use this as an excuse to develop more
feelings for her.
U WILL NEVER CHANGE FOR ME..
BECAUSE I AM NOT WORTH ALL THE CHANGES..

ask urself.. ah bao..

how do you treat me as..
yes,u are a sweet person no doubt..
u can brighten my day up with a sweet msg of urs..
are they all true?? at the end of the day,,
do i mean anything to you..
u say yes over n over again..
yet.. everytime..
nothing changes..
how many promises u made to me..
to change to change..
u didnt.. i pin to high hopes on u..
yet im the one getting hurt the most now..

pointless saying all this now..
u will never listen n change..
ur who u are..
its time for me..
pls do take kares..
i will miss u..
whether u even care or not..

enjoy ur time with her..
sometimes u make me hate u so ..
i cry myself to sleep.
hoping it was just a dream..
its not..

ps.i love you.
ah bao.

Monday, April 28, 2008 Y 1:53 AM

a whole lot of misunderstanding.
u choose not to hear me explain.
yet end it and give up so easily.
for all the way, i no matter how hard it takes.
i didnt give up.yet all u can do is break to solve everything.
LIEs. think properly, if i wanted to lie, i wouldnt wait till now.
when my feelings are so deep for you.
when my i trusted all my love to you.
you broke it time n time again.
i forgave and forgave.
hoping things would change for the better.
my heart ached so much when i think of
the past. what u did.
why didnt u question urself?
how hurt u done u to me.
how i endured everything. by myself.
without u knowing.
no matter what i say. i know u chose it already.
u wont listen to me.its fine already.
my conscience is clear.
i know what i have done for you.
and what i kept to my promise in the r/s.
since u chose to give it up.
i'll follow suit.
u will be happier this way.

ever since so many things happen.
you will be there for me in the past.
where i had problems. we became an item
not long. we got seperated.
all the love, the distrust u had in me.
how u couldnt handle what u wanted.
how much u hurt me with ur words.
how u vented everything on me.
i accepted all of it.
because i love u so much,
i didnt want to lose you.
i perservered.
YET, now.
its over.
maybe its time.
that i have to let go.
no matter how much it hurts.
do take care of urself.
stay happy. i know u can do it.

i cant be there anymore for you.
i cant pei u do silly things.
childish things. play and talk.
i cant yang yang u. sayang ur head.
kiss u like nobody's business.
i cant go places where i didnt go before with u.
i cant share all the first moments with u.

thank u ah bao. for being who you are.
for caring and loving me so much.
i am happy being with you.
thank you for leaving those memories in my mind
a special one. you are special to me.
someone whom i treasure so much.
someone whom i wouldnt mind doing so much for.
please take care of urself.
no matter where you are.
i 'll be missing you.
no one can replace u.
u left such a deep mark in my heart.
lastly,
i really did all my best to love u.
tolerated you. i changed so much for you.
loved you with all my heart.
and even how much u distrust me.
i still prove to you that i change.
i didnt lie or neither betray you.
i am not explaining anything.
its the fact..

I LOVE YOU. MOMO..

Friday, April 25, 2008 Y 5:03 PM

sometimes i feel that you dont need me anymore.
that u are so much more happy without me.
if thats the case, i will let go.
all u have to tell me is the truth.
even if it takes great pain to do so.
i still will.
sorry to say..
you are always giving me the feeling this way..
somethings i am not going to repeat..
its useless..
u left me in the position where i could decide what to do.
yet to you, its easy n simple.
what choice would u make?
maybe.. just maybe...

Thursday, April 24, 2008 Y 4:49 AM

afTeR diNNer.. FIND oUr Loves..

thE cuTe KiTTens..& caTS... =)

isnt she cuTE? new FouNd,,

at hoLLand.with the 3 brothers & a kiTTy..

One 0f the 3 Br0therS beHInd

in the PIC.. hee..

f0cus oN the Cat.. nOt mY leGs...

My G0d.. OBseeN.. =)

suCH a cUTe LittlE KITty,.,

Its a BAbY gIRL..

s0 y0ung,YEt s0 PLAyFUL...

d0nT be sUrpRisEd.. the SIze 0f

the Kitty SAmE As SWEEty's SliPPer!!

Aww,,looK at iT slEEp!!

NICe boDy col0ur too..

LOVe it s0000 mUCh...

m0m0 Like this kIttY aloT..

Arhhhh!! L00k AT Its

baBy tEEth!!

g0nnA misSs yoU!!

daMN CutE kiTTy!!

arhh... wanna brIng it hoME..!!

ITs cuTe littLE paWs..

DOnE for tHE day..

sweeTy's ovEr at Xinyi 's plAce..

kiNda tiREd..

excItEd 0veR toMorrOw... YiPees!! =)

Y 4:08 AM

FReaking sHAtteREd bY yestErdaY..FcuK it.

i am not going to blog bout yesterday.

its tiring.=( i haven been in the best of moods lately.

i need to cheer up! i am tired. mentally.

so we patched things up. had our breakfast and head to

my home. momo used the com.while it took a nap as i had

an interview early in the morning. woke up. had my shower.

off to interview.=) excited yet a little worried too.

took 51 all the way there. long journey. at alexandra's Cycle & carriAge.

than went to queenswaY to get m0m0's hand soCKs and i got a little reward

for my little cuz.. =)

this is my water bottle! Cj 7. didnt get to take

a pic of my cousin's water bottle.cute.=)

I Got tHE J0b.i waS seleCTeD.! =)

SO HAppy!! money will be rolling In!! *laughs*

lawrence called! i owe him one.thanks for helping

me get through. =) appreciated.

WENT hOllaND at NIght foR diNNer With m0m0. =)

ordereD RicE and DIsHEs. =) nICe. noT bad.

sorry M0m0, u had T0 atE spICy Food, thoUGh u caNT eat.

to0 spICy .. loves.

stingray! KAng koNG..

yummY..

whaTS wiTh my FAce..

My PrEttY B0y.. =)

PICture 1..HEE..

sorrY momo.dont kILL me

wHen u seE THiS..L0Ves..

Shot NumBEr 2 !!!

LAsT PIcTure!! love You..

Y 3:51 AM

ah da (sweetie ) mentioned. things happen for a reason.
i wonder whats all these happening now. yea.though we had patched
things up after that long talk ystd,would things turn out to be better?
ystd wasnt the only day that i mentioned to you how i felt for so long.
but things didnt change,neither did u. so i had to voice out ystd.
i really felt that u didnt understand me and the position i was in.
if it happened to u,what would u have done? and little did i expect
u to base our r/s on that thing ok.i am really disappointed.
even when we came to blows last night, will all that help?
you said that maybe afterall we didnt change f0r the better,havent i?
i have done alot for u already, maybe u cant see it.why do others see it?
yet they are not the ones in this r/s my dear.
its you & me. even when u are out with that ass, and u left me with no choice
but to meet my girls.and now claim that u hate me going down there.
when where else can i go? it would be selfish if u asked me to stay at home.
i have thought bout it clearly.
do something if you really do treasure our r/s.
this might be ur last chance. and mine.hopefully i wont regret.neither do u.
and for her. u dont even have her in ur heart anymore what.
so stop behaving as if that u cant live without her.
and i know that u have nothing for her anymore.
but like i said alot of times. dont push it too far.
this time, after since ystd.
i guess i wont be placing too high hopes on you.
in the end, i am hurting myself.
try understanding me more. sometimes.
things arent what u see that is placed infront of you.
use your heart.
i have been long tolerating, forgiving and forgetting.
maybe its time that i shall not anymore. i shall see.
whats past have already past. stop living in the past.
and not bringing up the past all the time.
whats the use. i dont do it. u shouldnt too.
i am sorry to type all these out.
i want to see when u take to get all this facts.
understand it. yet, i know u might never be able to see it
at all. byes.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 Y 2:41 AM

candida sweetie.. cheer up okay..
its not important how u got misunderstood by them..
what matters.. you have our understanding.. =) loves.

seriously, who likes to celebrate their birthday at just a normal place that u have been
for the past few outings? do you guys too? u can have a survey, 9 out of 10 people would
say they rather celebrate it elsewhere. and yet u guys could think that all it matters to her was the place,
and not the presence of you guys. maybe to you guys, your just want it simple and plain. HELLO.
birthdays happen once in a year. it do not have to be extravagant. at least a special one.
6 versus 1.. could she voice out.yet she kept quiet and got hurt by words your said.that might be ur thought,
did any one of you guys consider her thought than? no. if you guys really dont mind spending ur birthday just anywhere. suggest celebrating ur birthday at a coffee shop this year. what matters is the friends not the place huh?
doesnt mean we are taking sides with candida and blaming u guys. but think, you guys were in the wrong.
and cheryl lee. your that attitude of yours didnt have to be this way. ask her nicely,she is the birthday girl
afterall. think bout it. sorry to voice out. but i just cant stand the way candida have to tolerate this matter.
for the fact that you guys were ignorant to how she felt.

Y 2:17 AM

20th April

went out for just a short while though.met up with
candida.(sweetie) at her home. she helped me with some
stuffs. and waited for ah sok to come out. halfway, sok's mum
woke up and she didnt come out.so went home.cooked my noodles
at home and than sleep!!

21st april

stayed at home the whole freaking day!! argghh!! super Bored!! m0m0 was
at chalet and didnt meet me! woke up, watched my channel 8 show.. 同心员
than ate my mummy's dinner and than watched tv all the way till night!
than little cuz came over my place! mum and sis taught her math,eng and chinese!
cant believe it.. that i actually stayed at home the wh0le freaking day! =(
bored to death, luckily i got my tv to turn to! oh boy.. madness..

sweety，我很想你。

so excited! gonna work stock-taking with my dear tomorrow.
and cant wait for my up-coming job! =)
at least i will be kept with something and not idle my day away.. =)

ps : i got a super big surprise for my sweety!!
gotta need time to trial & error with it!
gonna put in all my heaRt!! its worth it though. =)

2 moRe daYs T0 6th m0ntHs wiTh y0u. =)

Sunday, April 20, 2008 Y 9:45 PM

so tiring!! my head's gonnA bursT..
doing the bloG template things.. craziness. =)
iTs n0t donE yet.. updaTe lateR.. goinG to mEet ah Da now..
m0m0 is at chAlet.. misses..

Saturday, April 19, 2008 Y 6:27 PM

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY CANDIDA SWEETIE !!

h0pe you enjoyed your special day! though many small conflicts happened.

at least you get to spend ur birthday with someone.hees. =)

but you still emo-ed sometimes.and thanks for entertaining us huh.

though we forced you to drink! and u spit out the shot i bought for u!!

haas.l0ve l0ads.thanks for being there huh! lending ur listening ear.

been through lots of cries n laughter with you. glad to have a fren like u!!

stay this way! appreciated lots by me! =)

meet them at clementi at 6.30pm. so many people were late or rather

coming later. so me seow wei, candida n hongtai headed to bugis first.

due to late arrival of the rest, candida got so pissed lar. than bugis went to eat.

headed to NYDC. ate. than bought movie tickets. watcthed the HOTTIE n the NOTTIE.

not that nice though. rated on the magazine was like only one star. haa.

movie ended. headed down to boat quay. RAINING bAR.

open martell. and beer. didnt even drink much lar. can. than more problems.

shall not elaborate. than all the way. cabbed home in the morning. shag.

thats all. nothing special happen too. and i wasnt in the best of mood.

because of you.

think about it. u got all that u wanted okay. u want do what.

did i st0p.yet when i with them.u joke bout those stuffs that

wasnt meant to be a joke.i dont do it. neither i think u should.

how would you like it? actually quite disappointed.

like i said. why are things getting more and more out of hand?

yes. for the fact that i miss u alot. since 2 days ago. but on the other side.

come on, u did the things i didnt like the most.

can i even get pissed? controlling only. like hell.

even if i voiced out to you. it makes things worst.

arghh, continuing makes it seem no where.

forget it. its like so pointless to say anything.

i have completely no stand in this matter of fact. bye.

Y 6:24 PM

17th april

went to meet candida to trim my eyebrows.
at clementi.than head to her home.
caught my 9pm show.nice! than watched tv.
slack at her home until 2am.she had school next day.
so met sokwei to eat and slack than home.
someone wasnt with me today. sian.
nothing much to write bout today though.
boring day. why do i have the feeling that
something bad happened? is it true?fcuk up.

Y 6:06 PM

15th april

accompanied sweety to interview early in the

morning. met her at 8am. than bused to tao payoh.

damn far lar can. =) done with the interview, bused back

t0 holland nearby to repair sweety's lappy.

than to clementi to eat someone's fav.food.

history of it goes way back long ago.haa.

than home. slept and met at night again. =)

16th apriL

met sweety at jurong east. went to walk at the pasar malam.

bought lots of food.mostly sweety's. haa. than walked back

to my home. ate. our boy joined us too. =)

than momo came to my home. watched online movies.

the bee movie & the up coming . superhero movie. =)

hei hei disturbing while sweety reading newspaper.=)

me and sweety =) love loads.

Y 5:33 PM

brief summary of the past few days.

way long ago.didnt have the time to blog.

well, me and sweety have taken in more responsibilities.=)

feeding the little kittens and cats around holland.=)

no harm done though.they were cute n who's going to take care

of them otherwise,cant bear to see them fend for themselves.

as long as i can, i would help.=)

super cute kitties.

mum.her kids.

the other shy kitty.

mum hit kid's butt!

kid as usual, did the same!

the other two anti-social kitty.

my personal fav.

momo.with mum & the white kid.

sleeping..

the white kitty slept so comfortably.=)

mum & white kitty on my leg! =)

aint it cute??

mum's also so ph0togenic!

another boy of mine.cute !

the new found kitty. alone.

felt sad for it. others didnt welcome him.

didnt accept him.. my poor kitty..

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 Y 5:57 AM

actually what do you really want fr0m me?
0r rather what u want y0urself,ask it from deep inside..
there's nothing that cant be done is it? are u trying to tell
me that? or u just want live in self-deception that its the fact?
s0 many questions to ask yet i somehow rather not listen to
the answers.i could not bear to.it may hurt,do u know?
i know after many advices i get,i have to stay strong.
how far are you willing to push me to? drive me to the wall.
i clearly understand that the one u love only is me.. and not that ass.
becos u have no love for her at all.is this all? i told you time and time
again,i have my limitati0ns,u far cross it already, and yet i still kept
holding on.do you know my dear? what is going on at all?
my emotions are set according to what going on around.can u see it?
no matter how hard it is to swallow all this,i still did,how are u going to
sense it that its so much more than it meets the eye. feel so helpless at times.
even when i turn to friends.yet i cant seem to heed their advice.
yes.i have learnt alot from the ups n downs of this r/s.
what exactly would i want from you? i rather i dont face it at all.
i didnt want to.but its was right in my face.
what were the meaning of your actions.? maybe i didnt really get it at all.
maybe i am just still living in a fantasy world.not knowing the cruel
realities crashing down on me. someone answer me? freak.

Y 5:50 AM

sundaY..

didnt meet sweety t0day..

she went off in the afterno0n.. than i stayed all the way at xinyi's home..

until dinner time.. wanted to eat ikea's meatballs.. unDER renovati0n. Sad..

than change of plans headed to HOng k0ng caFE.. =)

ATE talk than went back to her h0me.. watched deaTh n0te!!

den s0me variety programme show and than went off t0 meeT liJun n S0kweI.. =))

glad s0kwei is fine.. the 3 of us went to bukit merah macs.than lijun home nearby to slack!

than home with sokwei!! =)